Good thing there wasn't a rolled up newspaper around.

Well, you can just grab a newspaper that's lying around and roll it up yourself, y'know? ;-)

I find that usually, but not always, people behaving like that may actually be very nice people under other circumstances, but they think that a party is a good excuse to get stoned and/or drunk and behave like stupid people. Pity that (at least the "act like stupid" part).