plumtreeblossom (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
plumtreeblossom) wrote2006-04-07 11:51 am
plumtreeblossom) wrote2006-04-07 11:51 am
Dating Meta
I'm getting very mixed signals from A, and I don't like it.
What's happening is this: About once a week, he sends an e-mail or voicemail wanting to see me, oh-so-badly see me, misses me, yadda yadda. But he's been consistantly declining every date suggestion I make. 3 date suggestions in a row, just this week, have been declined. Then last night at 10:30 PM (a school night, mind you) he left a tipsy sounding voicemail missing me so very much, wanting me to come down to Christopher's grill right then and there (ironically, I had just been at Christopher's an hour earlier for dinner with Daniel and Matt).
One thing I am not in the market for is a compartmentalized at-his-convenience relationship wedged into his occasional last-minute windows of time.
I'm also not willing to settle for a weeknight-only relationship. He never has availability on the weekends. But weekends are when I do my dating. I have to be up at 5:30 AM or 6:00 AM for work every weekday, which precludes late nights out except on weekends. For that same reason, I don't do mid-week overnights (unless I'm living with said lover). I want companionship on weekends, when my time is free and my energy abundant. He says he always has prior plans with friends on the weekends, but he never invites me along.
For weeks now, I've been telling myself to write him off and that "He's Just Not That Into Me." But then come the calls/e-mails, regaling my shining beauty, longing to see and hold me, etc. Then I'm ignored when I suggest a date. Does this man have split personality disorder?
My mom strongly believes he is married. I don't usually take her dating advice because she's been off the dating scene for 30 years, but I'm starting to wonder if, this once, she might be right...
If A wants to continue seeing me, he has got to:
1) Make some time for me on weekends
2) Answer my e-mails and accept at least some of my date suggestions
3) Not treat me like a service he can order last-minute at his whim
My responsibility in this is to communicate these feelings clearly to him. I just wrote it out here to get it straight in my head before speaking to him.
What's happening is this: About once a week, he sends an e-mail or voicemail wanting to see me, oh-so-badly see me, misses me, yadda yadda. But he's been consistantly declining every date suggestion I make. 3 date suggestions in a row, just this week, have been declined. Then last night at 10:30 PM (a school night, mind you) he left a tipsy sounding voicemail missing me so very much, wanting me to come down to Christopher's grill right then and there (ironically, I had just been at Christopher's an hour earlier for dinner with Daniel and Matt).
One thing I am not in the market for is a compartmentalized at-his-convenience relationship wedged into his occasional last-minute windows of time.
I'm also not willing to settle for a weeknight-only relationship. He never has availability on the weekends. But weekends are when I do my dating. I have to be up at 5:30 AM or 6:00 AM for work every weekday, which precludes late nights out except on weekends. For that same reason, I don't do mid-week overnights (unless I'm living with said lover). I want companionship on weekends, when my time is free and my energy abundant. He says he always has prior plans with friends on the weekends, but he never invites me along.
For weeks now, I've been telling myself to write him off and that "He's Just Not That Into Me." But then come the calls/e-mails, regaling my shining beauty, longing to see and hold me, etc. Then I'm ignored when I suggest a date. Does this man have split personality disorder?
My mom strongly believes he is married. I don't usually take her dating advice because she's been off the dating scene for 30 years, but I'm starting to wonder if, this once, she might be right...
If A wants to continue seeing me, he has got to:
1) Make some time for me on weekends
2) Answer my e-mails and accept at least some of my date suggestions
3) Not treat me like a service he can order last-minute at his whim
My responsibility in this is to communicate these feelings clearly to him. I just wrote it out here to get it straight in my head before speaking to him.
no subject
Here's what is good.
Both of us are all of these things:
Childfree
Liberal
Urban (he says he wants to move to the city)
Extremely young looking and acting for our age
Somewhat countercultural
Light smokers
Theatrical
Travel buffs
Agnostic with Jewish backgrounds (half for me, whole for him)
Looking for a life partner
On paper, I couldn't ask for a closer match. It's almost a male/female twin thing, and I guess I'm vain enough to groove on my male twin. And, there's no getting around it -- I'm not an easy person to match. It's so very rare for me to be attracted to anyone that when it happens, I feel it's important to try and make it work if I can.
It's also no secret that I think it would be nifty to get married, or a reasonable facsimile of marriage. Finding a childfree man who is looking for a lifemate is a true needle in a haystack, so I consider it worth the effort of exploring whether it can work.
As for what he's contributed to my life, well, a number of good dinners. And a reason to shine my shoes and put on that miniskirt instead of slacks. But really, I haven't contributed more that that to him. How can I when he's never around on weekends?
So, yes, I wouldn't have picked him if there weren't potential. But I need weekends. We'll see if I get them, or keep looking.