So Very Wrong

[plumtreeblossom]

Every single dating-strategies-for-men website or column I've ever read has been chock full of advice that would send this woman screaming for the hills or slamming doors in faces. I don't know who is writing them, but they sure don't know how real women respond to manipulative behavior and just plain rudeness.

I just took an online dating test for men, and I answered exactly how I, as a woman, would want a man to behave/act in each scenario. I failed the test! The answer key explained why.

Don't call/e-mail her for a week after the first date. Don't accept an e-mail address instead of a home phone number. If she won't kiss you on the first date, dump her; she's not interested. Use a homely woman to attract a gorgeous woman.

I am willing to wager money that no lesbian dating book suggests these things.

Every one of these would be grounds for dismissal in the very early stages of dating with me, with very few exceptions (if you get hit by a bus after our date, you don't have to e-mail me within a week of our date). I have to wonder what these date-flailing men who spend hundreds of dollars on books and "systems" to get more hawt babez think when some bitch like me says NO to a 2nd date after being told "You can reach the salt just fine yourself." In some cases I see multiple levels of material that the men have to continue buying to ensure success, but to sell it, the company has to ensure early failure. I don't see this bad behavior much in the poly community, but someone in the mono world is gettin' scammed.

I should get a panel of women together and write a real dating advice book for men. Advice directly from the intended target, not some aging Love Doctor who's arbitrarily (and profitably) decided that women put out for men (or women) who treat them like crap. I know otherwise. ;-)

(Working title: You Want A Date? You Can't Handle A Date!)

Heh, between me and my girls with dating experience, we probably have a collective 300 years of experience and advice to give.

I can remember personals ads dates where I was quite sure one of those strategic systems was being used on me. I wonder if they thought "WTF, I paid $200 for that set of dating tapes" while watching my backside exiting Starbucks.

Comments

[docorion.livejournal.com]

Hm. Maybe this is what I've been doing wrong all these years. If I'm "not that into you", I'll tell you so at the end of the date. "Y'know, it's been fun, you're a nice person, thanks for the date, I won't be calling." (Perhaps not that last). If I *am* interested, I will generally call you the next day or so, just to say hi, how are you, when can I see you again (I admit calling the very next day always seems like I'm desperate).

I'm not smart enough to play a 'homely' woman against a good looking one (and I'm with pheromone; how do either you or n0ire qualify as 'homely' in any context?) And sionnagh is probably still telling the story of the end of our first date-I shook her hand. Didn't want to seem forward, y'know.

Many men are terminally shy about initiating dating/sexual contact, though. (DAMHIKT). Advice of the type you are contemplating will be entirely welcome to those men, as I suspect it is of the form "Be yourself, be honest, and be prepared for the fact that some women won't be interested in you, *and that's OK*" As best as I can tell, one of the central tenets of modern heterosexual male dating is that if you cannot attract *every woman*, you can't attract *any woman*. Which is crap on its face, but no one ever says it that baldly.

[plumtreeblossom.livejournal.com]

I will generally call you the next day or so, just to say hi, how are you, when can I see you again

Yes indeedy, and it's a delight to get that call when I'm into someone (usually followed by a girls-only filtered LJ post of "HE CALLLLLLED!!)

Even better than "when can I see you again" would be "I'm interested in seeing _______ movie/show/museum sometime soon. Would you like to join me?" It shows you're able to entertain her, and that she wouldn't be stuck planning every date if she dated you. I probably can't speak for every woman on this, but I love it when someone suggests an idea for a date. If it's not my cup of tea, I might suggest something different, but they get *major* points for being interested in doing some of the date planning.

[quilla.livejournal.com]

but I love it when someone suggests an idea for a date.

how true! although i must say, i'm finding that it's quite exciting being the one suggesting things. makes me feel as though i've finally got a grip on this city that i must sadly begin to call mine. ALSO, because the last date idea went over so very well, i'm thinking i'm on a bit of a roll.

i'll let you know when i get sick of it. ;)

[plumtreeblossom.livejournal.com]

Observe this, men-who-date-women! No two women are alike in how we want to be courted, and there is no formula to win us all. Just like there is no one formula to win you all. :-)

This is worth writing/collaborating about. :-)

[quilla.livejournal.com]

exactly! i also think that it depends on the specific person. this person in particular is pretty laid-back and open to all kinds of activities (of the non-carnal kind, to my current knowledge. ;) ) and so it's less daunting to pick things. but yes, no rules, just... whatever works right.

This is worth writing/collaborating about. :-)
i've only ever dated two people, but i am willing to offer my meagre services, certainly, for the greater cause!

also, permission to quote part of the entry to a friend?

[plumtreeblossom.livejournal.com]

That icon makes me scream with envy!!!!!!!!

Sure, feel free to quote from any of it!