Those Hellbound Heterosexuals

[plumtreeblossom]

Last night at intermission I was sitting outside on the church steps, not yet in costume (for long-distance readers, Theatre@First is housed in a very liberal, non-evil church). A young male-female couple walked by me, and the male gave me a reproachful sort of smirk/sneer. Then he stopped and pulled his woman in to him and started making out intensely with her. It was a very deliberate show, clearly meant to shock the "Christian" lady on the church steps.

Guess he didn't see the Church's queer pride flag over the front entrance, or the big sandwich board announcing that a play was happening inside. My cigarette was all gone, so I just put it out and went on inside. No doubt he thought I was fleeing to the sanctuary of My Lord and Savior, to beg that these lascivious sinners be cast posthaste into the sputtering cauldrons of Hell, and that triumph was his for successfully offending the Christ-centered sensibilities of a nicotine-sucking church spinster.

As always, on the spot I failed to come up with anything witty to say in reply. But when I told some Firsties inside what had just happened, it was big_jewfro who came up with exactly what I should have said:

"Can I join in?" ;-)

Comments

[wellstar.livejournal.com]

Or: "You're not doing that right. Here, let me show you."

I'm sure the cast of The Kiss would have been happy to consult on the proper way to make out with someone.

I mean, um, sinners! Sinners all! Let us all turn to the praying mantis for their salvation.

[plumtreeblossom.livejournal.com]

Oh I know. I was wishing I was wearing the Mantis costume. :-)

[heatherp8.livejournal.com]

Don't ya hate it when you can't thing of a snappy remark just at the moment it's needed?! Oy!
Happens to me all the time. Just not quick enuf.
Oh, well.
Wonder what they'd have done if you applauded?

[plumtreeblossom.livejournal.com]

Heh! He probably just would have made out harder!

[dpolicar]

Yeah, applauding was my first thought, too.

[spwebdesign.livejournal.com]

to beg that these lascivious sinners be cast posthaste into the sputtering cauldrons of Hell

Out of curiosity, is that what non-Christians generally think Christians do? Fundies aside, such behavior is antithetical to our beliefs.

—

Oh, and not only should you have offered to show them the right way to do it, a gesture towards demonstrating on the young lady would have been priceless. ;)

[plumtreeblossom.livejournal.com]

I personally know for a fact that there are many wonderful Christians who believe that blind hated and intolerance have no place in a Christian's life. I've known many. They often gravitate to liberal communities, like the one I live in, so I've had the opportunity to get to know them. It's the Fundies who have ruined the image of Christianity in the eyes of many people both here and abroad. It's possible that the young man who was taunting me has had lots of exposure to the travesty that is the fundie world, and understandably is angered by it, but hasn't yet gotten to know Christians who see things very differently than the fundies.

[ayelle.livejournal.com]

Well, I wouldn't generalize about what the broad category of all "non-Christians" think, any more than I'd generalize about what all Christians think! Really, I wouldn't even generalize about what all "Fundies" think, either (contrary to popular opinion, fundamentalism is not a monolith). I'm entertained by the terribly limited imagination that kissing couple demonstrated -- bad enough to make assumptions about what offends Christians, without even bothering to notice that the church in question happened to be UCC, about as far away from your stereotypical fundamentalist congregation as a church could possibly be... oh man.

[mdm-sosostris.livejournal.com]

contrary to popular opinion, fundamentalism is not a monolith

Amy, I hereby bestow +5 religion-scholar points upon you. Well said.

[vanguardcdk.livejournal.com]

You should have shouted "Use more tongue!!"

It's always strange when someone is trying to get a rise out of you and is both A) Obvious and B) Completely Inept.

[plumtreeblossom.livejournal.com]

Yeah, he was of that age when its easy to think you can actually shock somebody. He'll get over it. :-)

[kissoflife.livejournal.com]

That was my first thought too.
"5.5 from the Russian judge: inadequate tongue presentation"

naah, I wouldn't really have come up with that in time either...

[surrealestate.livejournal.com]

Oh, that's a good one! The problem with "Can I join in?" is that it's a lot nicer than a couple of idiots like them deserve. Rudeness should not be rewarded with the implication that you find them attractive and want to kiss them, and if they're even a teeny bit quick, opens you up to the possibility of a big insult in response.

Critique is the perfect reply. Nice work, Chris. :)



(Hey, y'know what, I saw a similar scene outside that door last week, now that I think about it (more casual kissing, though). I found it odd so just sat there watching and laughing until they walked away. I wonder if it was the same people.)

[hammercock.livejournal.com]

Ooh, a heterosexual couple making out in public. How very scandalously, daringly outré. *eyeroll*

[plumtreeblossom.livejournal.com]

I'm traumatized for life. They had to send an understudy on for me last night, I was in such shock. Thank the Lord there was a doctor in the house who knew CPR. But I'll never be the same after what those heathens made me witness.

[beowabbit]

That’s quite entertaining. Too bad ddl and I weren’t handy to show them how it’s really done. :-)

About how old were they — maybe 14? :-)

[plumtreeblossom.livejournal.com]

They were young adults, early 20s or so. We could have learned them a thing or two. :-)

[heliopsis.livejournal.com]

Warms the cockles of my heart.

[weegoddess.livejournal.com]

"Can I join in?" ;-)

Better: "Hey, she's really cute! May I join in?"

Just sayin'.