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WTF Du Jour
Aug. 30th, 2007 01:44 pmToday's WTF comes from the pamphlet inside my box of slimming tea. It includes a "balanced eating plan" and suggested meals. Here is a sample of Dinner:
Roast beef............3 oz.
Mashed potato.........1/2 cup
Green Beans...........1 cup
Cauliflower...........1/2 cup
Green salad/oil&vin...unlimited
Roll..................1
Angel food cake.......1 slice
Fresh berries.........1/2 cup
Slimming tea..........1 cup
Now, I have carefully envisioned all of this food in the above portions plated in front of me, and there is no possible way I could finish all of that in one sitting. I don't even eat that much on Thanksgiving. Maybe if I removed the roll, one of the vegetables, and either the cake or the berries, maybe I could clean my plate. The breakfasts and lunches are similarly generous and similarly vague about some of the portion sizes. But it claims that a whole day's menu only adds up to 1200 calories. I know for good and damn certain that isn't correct. I'm forced to conclude that this eating plan is designed for those accustomed to hoovering an entire large Pizza Hut Meat Lover's and a half-gallon of ice cream in one meal.
But the WTFery goes on. The pamphlet includes a height/weight chart. At 5'3" and medium frame, wearing shoes and clothing, my target weight range should be (wait for it...) 110-122.
Huuuuh?!? In what alternate universe would I look attractive at 110? Clothed and shod, no less? I haven't stepped on a home scale wearing clothes or shoes since ever, because doing so would be patently retarded. I weigh 143 in my spankity pink nakedness, and I just want to get back to 130 and shrink my manly belly. I haven't weighed 110 since age 14, and barring catastrophic illness, I'm quite certain I never will again.
So, thought I, this being Asian slimming tea, perhaps that chart is made for a less broad Asian body type. I could see 110 working for a small-framed Japanese woman of my height. The box sports a trim Asian model and an Asian-influenced font. I read the bottom of the box. Manufactured in Tempe, AZ.
But on the upside, it's delicious and raspberry-y!
Wait, not quite done. Unlimited green salad with oil/vinegar dressing? UNLIMITED? So I can has bathtub or SUV or airplane hangar filled wif salad and EAT IT ALL GONE?!
I don't think that would help my pants fit any better.
Roast beef............3 oz.
Mashed potato.........1/2 cup
Green Beans...........1 cup
Cauliflower...........1/2 cup
Green salad/oil&vin...unlimited
Roll..................1
Angel food cake.......1 slice
Fresh berries.........1/2 cup
Slimming tea..........1 cup
Now, I have carefully envisioned all of this food in the above portions plated in front of me, and there is no possible way I could finish all of that in one sitting. I don't even eat that much on Thanksgiving. Maybe if I removed the roll, one of the vegetables, and either the cake or the berries, maybe I could clean my plate. The breakfasts and lunches are similarly generous and similarly vague about some of the portion sizes. But it claims that a whole day's menu only adds up to 1200 calories. I know for good and damn certain that isn't correct. I'm forced to conclude that this eating plan is designed for those accustomed to hoovering an entire large Pizza Hut Meat Lover's and a half-gallon of ice cream in one meal.
But the WTFery goes on. The pamphlet includes a height/weight chart. At 5'3" and medium frame, wearing shoes and clothing, my target weight range should be (wait for it...) 110-122.
Huuuuh?!? In what alternate universe would I look attractive at 110? Clothed and shod, no less? I haven't stepped on a home scale wearing clothes or shoes since ever, because doing so would be patently retarded. I weigh 143 in my spankity pink nakedness, and I just want to get back to 130 and shrink my manly belly. I haven't weighed 110 since age 14, and barring catastrophic illness, I'm quite certain I never will again.
So, thought I, this being Asian slimming tea, perhaps that chart is made for a less broad Asian body type. I could see 110 working for a small-framed Japanese woman of my height. The box sports a trim Asian model and an Asian-influenced font. I read the bottom of the box. Manufactured in Tempe, AZ.
But on the upside, it's delicious and raspberry-y!
Wait, not quite done. Unlimited green salad with oil/vinegar dressing? UNLIMITED? So I can has bathtub or SUV or airplane hangar filled wif salad and EAT IT ALL GONE?!
I don't think that would help my pants fit any better.