A Million Miles Away
Aug. 11th, 2004 12:11 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
plumtreeblossomI took a spontaneous jaunt last night with Benjamin to the Barnes & Noble in Burlington. We spent several hours pouring over their comprehensive travel book section; he in Mexico, I in China and Southeast Asia. Pointing out areas of interest in the books, Places we hoped to see on our respective journeys, semi-conversing in bad high school Spanish, eating sweet treats at the in-store cafe.
I see how he and I have contrasting views on distance. To him, distance is momentum, breathing room, release, growth. To me it is those things, but with a powerful basenote of longing and the twinge of "far-away-ness." I sentimentalize the miles between in almost mathematical gradients. I couldn't help tasting a bittersweet awareness that the person across the table from me, laughing and joking in Spanglish with me and teasingly kicking my purse -- friends at a table together would soon be on opposite sides of the planet. Feeling the loss of a day-to-day presence in my life, the loss probably not just temporary (as it is for other friends I have with travel plans). Would I feel a lesser loss if it were just New York, or DC or California? No, probably not. My good friend Peter moved to Northampton MA, and I haven't seen him in almost a year. Its not really about miles but about absence in the physical world juxtaposed with presence in the heart's world. Awareness of presence, and of absence.
My own trip to China (a vacation in my case rather than a move) is up in the air. If I land the job I'm hoping for, there may be a probationary period of a few months during which I can't take time off. If I go to China in the winter rather than the fall, I'll be choosing Hong Kong rather than Beijing. Both hold equal appeal in different ways. Which it will be is a wait-and-see.
I damn myself for pissing away nearly $1000 on the clown-like farce of the Swan Stage Company in 2003.![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
scholargipsy and chanaleh saw the company's one bungling of Shakespeare and know what I mean. It capsized instantly post-production (all for the best, to be sure), but not a month goes by without my wishing for that money back and smacking myself for such a poorly thought out investment. $1K doesn't sound like much, but I don't really earn a lot, and it was my travel money for that year. If I hadn't done that, I would already have gone to China, and would by now be planning to go who-knows-where, with perhaps enough money to stay longer than I can now.
I love T@F because my investment has been in heart, soul, and creative/admin effort, and it has come back ten-fold. Wherever I go, and wherever the people I've met through T@F and love are living in the wide world, I'm grateful.
I see how he and I have contrasting views on distance. To him, distance is momentum, breathing room, release, growth. To me it is those things, but with a powerful basenote of longing and the twinge of "far-away-ness." I sentimentalize the miles between in almost mathematical gradients. I couldn't help tasting a bittersweet awareness that the person across the table from me, laughing and joking in Spanglish with me and teasingly kicking my purse -- friends at a table together would soon be on opposite sides of the planet. Feeling the loss of a day-to-day presence in my life, the loss probably not just temporary (as it is for other friends I have with travel plans). Would I feel a lesser loss if it were just New York, or DC or California? No, probably not. My good friend Peter moved to Northampton MA, and I haven't seen him in almost a year. Its not really about miles but about absence in the physical world juxtaposed with presence in the heart's world. Awareness of presence, and of absence.
My own trip to China (a vacation in my case rather than a move) is up in the air. If I land the job I'm hoping for, there may be a probationary period of a few months during which I can't take time off. If I go to China in the winter rather than the fall, I'll be choosing Hong Kong rather than Beijing. Both hold equal appeal in different ways. Which it will be is a wait-and-see.
I damn myself for pissing away nearly $1000 on the clown-like farce of the Swan Stage Company in 2003.
scholargipsy and chanaleh saw the company's one bungling of Shakespeare and know what I mean. It capsized instantly post-production (all for the best, to be sure), but not a month goes by without my wishing for that money back and smacking myself for such a poorly thought out investment. $1K doesn't sound like much, but I don't really earn a lot, and it was my travel money for that year. If I hadn't done that, I would already have gone to China, and would by now be planning to go who-knows-where, with perhaps enough money to stay longer than I can now. I love T@F because my investment has been in heart, soul, and creative/admin effort, and it has come back ten-fold. Wherever I go, and wherever the people I've met through T@F and love are living in the wide world, I'm grateful.