It Got Easier
Nov. 19th, 2005 10:35 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
plumtreeblossomTo further milk a cliche, what a difference a day makes. Last night's show was a complete about-face, for me particularly, and for ticket sales, energy, and everything in general. We were in the Globe thanks to Ari, which brought us what amounted to a double house (we generally speak of any house over 50 as a "full house," and this was twice that). And on a private level for me, things turned the corner to something wonderful.
During the previous night's performance I experienced a full-blown anxiety attack during Act I. It wasn't out of the blue -- it had been building up throughout the run. I've been involved on and off with acting since age 7, and this was the first time in my life that I was hit with incapacitating stage fright. I only made it through the rest of the performance because the love and support of many friends backstage who held me and sent me out to force myself through the scenes. I said to many that I would never perform onstage again, which of course isn't true and everyone knew it, but that was my honest feeling at the time. I won't go into the details of why it happened; it integrated elements well outside the show itself, and fortunately my weekly therapy session was Friday morning so I could talk about it.
Later Friday I left work early to have a nap. I also took some valerian root to help calm me. I did my makeup at home and slipped into the green room a bit late, leaving the director and producer in panic until I was located (I'm sorry, Elizabeth and Beckie!). As the house filled up, I filled up my own spirit with the knowledge that I can do it. Of course I can do it, and do it well.
It seems now that it was a soul-over-demons victory. I had my best performance of the run (and we got it on digital video!). The feeling of relief and joy as we took our curtain call was indescribable. That smile on my face was real.
Fast forward to the after party. After going door to door in Davis and finding no place with room to accomodate as group so large, we ended up at Jude's once again. My my, I do love how wild things get over there. Many kisses, many cloves, much dancing and love.
Well, momentarily I have someone coming over to rake our leaves, and I have much shopping to take care of before show call tonight. We've broken even with ticket sales, so anything we make tonight is profit. It's our closing night. I'm happy to say, I'll miss it when it's done.
During the previous night's performance I experienced a full-blown anxiety attack during Act I. It wasn't out of the blue -- it had been building up throughout the run. I've been involved on and off with acting since age 7, and this was the first time in my life that I was hit with incapacitating stage fright. I only made it through the rest of the performance because the love and support of many friends backstage who held me and sent me out to force myself through the scenes. I said to many that I would never perform onstage again, which of course isn't true and everyone knew it, but that was my honest feeling at the time. I won't go into the details of why it happened; it integrated elements well outside the show itself, and fortunately my weekly therapy session was Friday morning so I could talk about it.
Later Friday I left work early to have a nap. I also took some valerian root to help calm me. I did my makeup at home and slipped into the green room a bit late, leaving the director and producer in panic until I was located (I'm sorry, Elizabeth and Beckie!). As the house filled up, I filled up my own spirit with the knowledge that I can do it. Of course I can do it, and do it well.
It seems now that it was a soul-over-demons victory. I had my best performance of the run (and we got it on digital video!). The feeling of relief and joy as we took our curtain call was indescribable. That smile on my face was real.
Fast forward to the after party. After going door to door in Davis and finding no place with room to accomodate as group so large, we ended up at Jude's once again. My my, I do love how wild things get over there. Many kisses, many cloves, much dancing and love.
Well, momentarily I have someone coming over to rake our leaves, and I have much shopping to take care of before show call tonight. We've broken even with ticket sales, so anything we make tonight is profit. It's our closing night. I'm happy to say, I'll miss it when it's done.
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congratulations!
Date: 2005-11-19 05:58 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-11-20 11:05 am (UTC)Will it be possible to get a copy of the video? I'd like to watch it with someone who had time to stop and tell me all the gestures, so I can learn from all your fabulousness.