Dating Meta

[plumtreeblossom]

I'm getting very mixed signals from A, and I don't like it.

What's happening is this: About once a week, he sends an e-mail or voicemail wanting to see me, oh-so-badly see me, misses me, yadda yadda. But he's been consistantly declining every date suggestion I make. 3 date suggestions in a row, just this week, have been declined. Then last night at 10:30 PM (a school night, mind you) he left a tipsy sounding voicemail missing me so very much, wanting me to come down to Christopher's grill right then and there (ironically, I had just been at Christopher's an hour earlier for dinner with Daniel and Matt).

One thing I am not in the market for is a compartmentalized at-his-convenience relationship wedged into his occasional last-minute windows of time.

I'm also not willing to settle for a weeknight-only relationship. He never has availability on the weekends. But weekends are when I do my dating. I have to be up at 5:30 AM or 6:00 AM for work every weekday, which precludes late nights out except on weekends. For that same reason, I don't do mid-week overnights (unless I'm living with said lover). I want companionship on weekends, when my time is free and my energy abundant. He says he always has prior plans with friends on the weekends, but he never invites me along.

For weeks now, I've been telling myself to write him off and that "He's Just Not That Into Me." But then come the calls/e-mails, regaling my shining beauty, longing to see and hold me, etc. Then I'm ignored when I suggest a date. Does this man have split personality disorder?

My mom strongly believes he is married. I don't usually take her dating advice because she's been off the dating scene for 30 years, but I'm starting to wonder if, this once, she might be right...

If A wants to continue seeing me, he has got to:

1) Make some time for me on weekends
2) Answer my e-mails and accept at least some of my date suggestions
3) Not treat me like a service he can order last-minute at his whim

My responsibility in this is to communicate these feelings clearly to him. I just wrote it out here to get it straight in my head before speaking to him.

Comments

[plumtreeblossom.livejournal.com]

Yes, it is definitely something that I need to consciously watch out for and avoid if I see evidence of that sort of cycle about to begin. Also, thank you, oneagain for your input. It's something I'm definitely on the watch for, but it happened to me fairly recently.

Right now I'm not emotionally vulnerable -- I'm not in love, and not in any way emotionally committed. So I'm coming from a safer vantage point that I would be if my feelings were more advanced. What I hope is to be able to lay my needs on the table, and see if they are met before letting emotions grow to the level of vulnerability.

[oneagain.livejournal.com]

You sound like you know what you are doing. Sometimes people do change; I wouldn't hold my breath, but if I was looking for a female primary partner, I could see myself changing for a fun, gorgeous cutie like you. Just remember that if he does not change, you are still a fun gorgeous cutie and there are others out there despite evidence to the contrary.