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plumtreeblossomI got an e-mail last night from a member of the mercenary back-up vocal trio I'm in, Tower of Flowers (yes, it's a goofy play on Tower of Power). For about a year we've been on hiatus -- the soprano was adopting a baby, the mezzo was getting married, and the alto is a perpetually overscheduled wildwoman. But we just got a gig offer we couldn't refuse. The Pat Burtis Band asked us to provide back-ups for them at a June festival gig in Maine. We've done studio work for him and are on his album. Outdoor gigs are my favorite, and we're getting paid. This is going to be so much fun.
Up until last year, T of F did a good bit of studio work for various bands, and we provided live back-up for a number of local acts, particularly Berkelee associated ones. Lately I've really been missing being in a band, and while this isn't a band per se, it is vocal performance. This revival is now the second drop-in-my-lap desired thing that has come along in the last two weeks. The gig in Maine is a good 5 to 6 hours away, but maybe we can convince Mr. Burtis to do a Boston gig so y'all people can come see us.
The Sunday matinee went extremely well, and for me it was my strongest performance in the run so far. But that's relatively speaking – this isn't my strongest work by any stretch of the imagination, nor was Merry Wives or the cabaret. Working under the hated handicap of this newly developed stage fright (when working with memorized text) has become a critical problem. Nobody knew it, but there was intense meta rocketing around inside my head yesterday and last night about why this has developed in the last year, how much I loathe it, and what has to happen for it to stop. The whole day I was pondering it at a level I hadn't dared to before. I had to – if not, I would have to give up my most beloved hobby, and I'm damn well not going to let that become necessary.
My therapist was worse than useless when I tried to work with him on the stage nervousness (quoth he: "Just...don't be nervous."). It's not about that, it's not about needing affirmation or validation or anything of that sort. The answer, after thinking very hard and honestly about it, is that I've fallen far away from the acting tools that used to make me feel 100% in control onstage. Now I don't because I've lost mastery of those tools, and it feels like a dice roll whether I'll shine or fuck up. I've gotten sloppy and undisciplined, and haven't been making any attempt to actually feel what my characters are feeling. Yesterday after finishing the scene, I thought "I wasn't immersed in the character. I was being Mare F***d thinking about remembering the character’s lines."
Come to realize, I haven't taken an acting class in more than 15 years. There are basic but essential tools that I need to re-master and start employing, if I'm to feel confident and in control again. Now is an excellent time to start looking for a good class, with the show closing and my directing rather than acting in the One-Acts. I don't really plan on being involved with the fall show, and as such I'll have the time to focus on one or two acting classes. I want to continue to be useful as an actor to T@F, and getting on top of this stage fright problem and pistol-whipping it out with some stage mastery relearning is, I believe, the only way to do it and come back shining.
Up until last year, T of F did a good bit of studio work for various bands, and we provided live back-up for a number of local acts, particularly Berkelee associated ones. Lately I've really been missing being in a band, and while this isn't a band per se, it is vocal performance. This revival is now the second drop-in-my-lap desired thing that has come along in the last two weeks. The gig in Maine is a good 5 to 6 hours away, but maybe we can convince Mr. Burtis to do a Boston gig so y'all people can come see us.
The Sunday matinee went extremely well, and for me it was my strongest performance in the run so far. But that's relatively speaking – this isn't my strongest work by any stretch of the imagination, nor was Merry Wives or the cabaret. Working under the hated handicap of this newly developed stage fright (when working with memorized text) has become a critical problem. Nobody knew it, but there was intense meta rocketing around inside my head yesterday and last night about why this has developed in the last year, how much I loathe it, and what has to happen for it to stop. The whole day I was pondering it at a level I hadn't dared to before. I had to – if not, I would have to give up my most beloved hobby, and I'm damn well not going to let that become necessary.
My therapist was worse than useless when I tried to work with him on the stage nervousness (quoth he: "Just...don't be nervous."). It's not about that, it's not about needing affirmation or validation or anything of that sort. The answer, after thinking very hard and honestly about it, is that I've fallen far away from the acting tools that used to make me feel 100% in control onstage. Now I don't because I've lost mastery of those tools, and it feels like a dice roll whether I'll shine or fuck up. I've gotten sloppy and undisciplined, and haven't been making any attempt to actually feel what my characters are feeling. Yesterday after finishing the scene, I thought "I wasn't immersed in the character. I was being Mare F***d thinking about remembering the character’s lines."
Come to realize, I haven't taken an acting class in more than 15 years. There are basic but essential tools that I need to re-master and start employing, if I'm to feel confident and in control again. Now is an excellent time to start looking for a good class, with the show closing and my directing rather than acting in the One-Acts. I don't really plan on being involved with the fall show, and as such I'll have the time to focus on one or two acting classes. I want to continue to be useful as an actor to T@F, and getting on top of this stage fright problem and pistol-whipping it out with some stage mastery relearning is, I believe, the only way to do it and come back shining.
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(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-08 05:01 pm (UTC)(And "just don't be nervous?" You're kidding me, right?)
(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-08 05:10 pm (UTC)Yeah, that was really frustrating in therapy, during Merry Wives. What I wanted from his was some guidance in figuring out why this is happening to me. But he would just wave his hand and say "You'll be fine, forget about the nerves." But as any actor knows, it just doesn't work that way. I majored in theatre in college, but when you go this many years without supplementing your training along the way, a lot can be lost. I think a fresh class or two will be really enabling.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-08 07:21 pm (UTC)If the Firsties would have me, I would be delighted to come do a workshop or two, on a pay-what-you-can basis. My schedule is fairly open right now (got a few more weeks before baby is due, so I'm not working much). And I have some great ideas for visualizations to combat stage fright.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-08 08:03 pm (UTC)Not picture-the-audience-in-their-underwear, I hope. :-)
Actually, I can talk to the Steering Committee about this. What will life be like after the baby comes? (probably a stupid question). I'm not sure about timeframes, but it would likely be a summer thing if we were able to do it.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-08 11:18 pm (UTC)I'd be more comfortable scheduling something between now and mid-June, with the stipulation that I might need to cancel.
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Date: 2006-05-08 05:42 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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-Dej
(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-09 09:28 am (UTC)