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A Million Miles Away
Aug. 11th, 2004 12:11 pmI took a spontaneous jaunt last night with Benjamin to the Barnes & Noble in Burlington. We spent several hours pouring over their comprehensive travel book section; he in Mexico, I in China and Southeast Asia. Pointing out areas of interest in the books, Places we hoped to see on our respective journeys, semi-conversing in bad high school Spanish, eating sweet treats at the in-store cafe.
I see how he and I have contrasting views on distance. To him, distance is momentum, breathing room, release, growth. To me it is those things, but with a powerful basenote of longing and the twinge of "far-away-ness." I sentimentalize the miles between in almost mathematical gradients. I couldn't help tasting a bittersweet awareness that the person across the table from me, laughing and joking in Spanglish with me and teasingly kicking my purse -- friends at a table together would soon be on opposite sides of the planet. Feeling the loss of a day-to-day presence in my life, the loss probably not just temporary (as it is for other friends I have with travel plans). Would I feel a lesser loss if it were just New York, or DC or California? No, probably not. My good friend Peter moved to Northampton MA, and I haven't seen him in almost a year. Its not really about miles but about absence in the physical world juxtaposed with presence in the heart's world. Awareness of presence, and of absence.
My own trip to China (a vacation in my case rather than a move) is up in the air. If I land the job I'm hoping for, there may be a probationary period of a few months during which I can't take time off. If I go to China in the winter rather than the fall, I'll be choosing Hong Kong rather than Beijing. Both hold equal appeal in different ways. Which it will be is a wait-and-see.
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I see how he and I have contrasting views on distance. To him, distance is momentum, breathing room, release, growth. To me it is those things, but with a powerful basenote of longing and the twinge of "far-away-ness." I sentimentalize the miles between in almost mathematical gradients. I couldn't help tasting a bittersweet awareness that the person across the table from me, laughing and joking in Spanglish with me and teasingly kicking my purse -- friends at a table together would soon be on opposite sides of the planet. Feeling the loss of a day-to-day presence in my life, the loss probably not just temporary (as it is for other friends I have with travel plans). Would I feel a lesser loss if it were just New York, or DC or California? No, probably not. My good friend Peter moved to Northampton MA, and I haven't seen him in almost a year. Its not really about miles but about absence in the physical world juxtaposed with presence in the heart's world. Awareness of presence, and of absence.
My own trip to China (a vacation in my case rather than a move) is up in the air. If I land the job I'm hoping for, there may be a probationary period of a few months during which I can't take time off. If I go to China in the winter rather than the fall, I'll be choosing Hong Kong rather than Beijing. Both hold equal appeal in different ways. Which it will be is a wait-and-see.
( Read more... )