The best laid plans...

...oh so easily foiled by faulty planning.

Hoping to enjoy the warmth of early spring with my waterfowl friends, I loaded up a big bag of discarded lettuce from the company luncheon and headed for the Public Gardens.

There was one critical problem with this plan: the pond was entirely drained. I mean entirely. You could walk right across its dirty bottom like you were Moses or sumpin'. I didn't know they did that in winter. So, no waterfowl. They must be camping somewhere wetter.

Feeling stupid but attempting not to look it with a bag of lettuce in my hand, I thought I'd search for some squirrels. There weren't any of the fat, nearly-domesticated squirrels around; only a random mangy straggler here and there. But did they want lettuce?

Mare: Here squirrely-squirrely, yummy lettuce...
Squirrel: Pfft.
Mare: Look, mmmmmm...
Squirrel: Give squirrel Fritos!
Mare: _{Nooo, lettuce...}
Squirrel: Want refined carbs, stupid person! Lettuce not food! Pringles food! Oreos food! Go or I bite!

I was getting pretty far down the park food chain. I next looked for pigeons, but for once, I saw not a single one anywhere. Maybe I could find a rat or two by the dumpster. Oops, no dumpster. And I wouldn't insult a homeless person by offering them a bag of wilted office lettuce.

I just left the bag bedside a garbage can and got on the T. I think if I opened the dictionary to "unsatisfied," there would be a line drawing of a lettuce bag on that page.