The best laid plans...

[plumtreeblossom]

...oh so easily foiled by faulty planning.

Hoping to enjoy the warmth of early spring with my waterfowl friends, I loaded up a big bag of discarded lettuce from the company luncheon and headed for the Public Gardens.

There was one critical problem with this plan: the pond was entirely drained. I mean entirely. You could walk right across its dirty bottom like you were Moses or sumpin'. I didn't know they did that in winter. So, no waterfowl. They must be camping somewhere wetter.

Feeling stupid but attempting not to look it with a bag of lettuce in my hand, I thought I'd search for some squirrels. There weren't any of the fat, nearly-domesticated squirrels around; only a random mangy straggler here and there. But did they want lettuce?

Mare: Here squirrely-squirrely, yummy lettuce...
Squirrel: Pfft.
Mare: Look, mmmmmm...
Squirrel: Give squirrel Fritos!
Mare: _{Nooo, lettuce...}
Squirrel: Want refined carbs, stupid person! Lettuce not food! Pringles food! Oreos food! Go or I bite!

I was getting pretty far down the park food chain. I next looked for pigeons, but for once, I saw not a single one anywhere. Maybe I could find a rat or two by the dumpster. Oops, no dumpster. And I wouldn't insult a homeless person by offering them a bag of wilted office lettuce.

I just left the bag bedside a garbage can and got on the T. I think if I opened the dictionary to "unsatisfied," there would be a line drawing of a lettuce bag on that page.

Comments

[komos.livejournal.com]

Gah... I should have said something since I was down there yesterday at lunch. There were geese at the Boylston St. end of the "pond" splashing in one puddle that sat neatly between two "Please do not feed the birds" signs.

I had a squirrel share an orange with me, but only after he tried to cut me for not leaving enough to bother with on the base of the peel.

[majes.livejournal.com]

You gotta be careful with those downtown squirrels. They will jump for your throat without thinking about it twice. Plus, if you are not careful, you can end up between two rival squirrel factions. Suffice to say, they don't resolve their differences with a tap and dance routine.

[oneagain.livejournal.com]

From other stories I have heard, I do not know if I should take you literally or not about actually going for the throat. Have you known any to actually go for the throat, or simply come too close to your body for comfort uninivted?

[oneagain.livejournal.com]

Thank you for making me laugh:)

[tiurin.livejournal.com]

Squirrels will also go for pizza! Supreme pan pizza with pepperoni, sausage, onions, peppers, mushrooms, olives, and bacon!

It's a little disturbing.