Tribal Identification

[plumtreeblossom]

marmota posted this meme, and its one of the rare few memes I felt was worth doing. I think it bears re-posting here.

Most people, unless they are isolated by something other than their own choice, have some sort of tribe; people to whom they feel an affinity and with whom they are comfortable socially. It might go by any name -- group, circle, crowd -- but they all mean something similar to "tribe" in that birds of a feather tend to gravitate to the tribe to flock together. This meme takes a look at how we judge and appraise people on first sight, and how we refine that appraisal over time. You're welcome to post your own, here or in your own LJ (just delete my answers). Here is mine:

Three visible things about someone that give you the feeling that they could be part of your tribe:

1. A look of genuine openness (smiles or nods if I do)
2. An over-all physical carriage that suggests intelligence and a general liberal nature
3. Doing/reading/watching something I would enjoy doing/reading/watching myself

Three visible things about someone that give you the feeling that they aren't part of your tribe:

1. Violently themed jewelry, tattoos, clothing (this excludes fetishwear -- I refer more to skulls, hate tattoos, etc)
2. Appearance/mannerisms of being hostile, psychotic, or potentially dangerous
3. Has strong body odor when it's apparent that s/he is capable of not stinking, but instead chooses to stink on some kind of principle (i.e., not homeless, not in just-finished-jogging state, etc. I know smell isn't visual, but it's sensory.)

Three characteristics you learn about someone that give you the feeling that they could be part of your tribe:

1. Is a theatre person
2. Is socially liberal (fiscally conservative can usually be worked around)
3. Laughs more than they complain

Three characteristics you learn about someone that give you the feeling that they aren't part of your tribe:

1. S/he tests people by seeing how hard they'll work to get to know her/him (because I simply won't, and then we'll never get to find out if we're tribally alike)
2. Is a homophobe, racist, or approves of the Bush administration
3. Uses chronic poor spoken grammar if they are a native English speaker (non-native speakers exempt)

____
I enjoyed this meme, and it really helps in examining one's judging patterns.

I'm a very close watcher of body language and mannerisms, and those are more important in my early impressions of people than things like what they're wearing. It's still a form of judgmentalism -- and lets face it, we are ALL judgmental on one level or another -- but over the years I developed a sense for non-spoken communication, and though I don't always react to it, I do see it. I'll notice a nervous tic much sooner than I'll notice an accessory or hairstyle. I can't tell you what color most of my friends' eyes are, but I can tell you whether they use them expressively, or avoid doing so.

One point that I'd be wrong to ignore is that I live in a local community of people who, in large part, are very similar to me. Most are liberal, white-collar, urban to some degree, middle-earning, and in some way creative. I'm the same, and my answers above do reflect the fact that I don't come in contact with a more heterogeneous cross-section of people as regularly as, say, someone living in NYC would, and I don't experience as strong difference between me and the culture surrounding me as perhaps a goth in rural Texas bookish yankee gaijin in Tokyo would (waves to scholargipsy). So my choices in tribe versus not-tribe are fairly micro, rather than macro.

Your results will very likely vary. I don't believe in meme tagging because I find it childish and inconsiderate, but I really would be quite interested in seeing your answers, whoever you are, should you care to share.

Comments

[joyeous.livejournal.com]

I don't really have a tribe. Never felt I belonged to one in particular. I don't mean that in a bad way, in some ways it's very good to spread yourself around. Although I do wish sometimes I had my "bowling group" or "Texas Hold Em" group or some sort of thing I do every week with the same group of people to look forward to. But that's not gonna happen. In fact, I usually hang out with different people every weekend. But, I still think this meme would be interesting to do as to what I look for in specific people that would tell me this person would be a good friend. Many times I have been wrong, because sometimes people give off bad first impressions, and then they turn out to be your best friend. But assuming that's not the case, here are some telling signs for me.

Three visible things - good
1. Glasses. I don't know, it seems many nerds and geeks do wear glasses (myself included), so sometimes that's a clue that it might be someone similar to myself.
2. Clothing not too flashy or expensive - implies that the person not obsessed with having the latest fashion or spending too much on clothes
3. Looks at me and smiles, or laughs at some in-joke...this has happened many a time in a conference or big room or something...the speaker says something weird, and I will look up and there will usually be one other person who has caught the weird thing too and is looking at me and lgives a knowing smile. This is almost a sure sign that this person and I will be friends.

Three visible things - bad
1. Smoking (no offense Mare! You're one of the few exceptions to the rule! But normally, I don't hang with a smoking crowd...it doesn't mean anything bad about the person's personality, it just makes me cough).
2. Constant texting/phone calls, even when I'm trying to speak to them...they have their priorities, which are obviously not me
3. Not smiling. Or doesn't laugh at anything.

Three characteristics - good
1. Involved in some sort of art, be it photography, writing, theatre, etc.
2. Involved in some sort of community service (either with a religious group, environmental group, after-school tutoring, volunteer at the polls, etc.)
3. Laidback and doesn't overreact to small crises (oh no, my car got towed again. Meh).

Three characterstics - bad
1. Cuts me off or finishes my sentences (maybe this is more just a pet peeve than a deal-breaker, but really it's a bad sign when someone is already doing this when I first meet them)
2. Talks unkindly about someone else that I know, even if I'm not friends with that person (I admit, I can do this too, and I'm certainly not above gossip, but I don't do it to people I just met)
3. Acts like they're better than me in some way (i.e. "I'm not going to friend you back on lj because it's only for my real friends" or "back when I did professional theatre in New York with [insert name drop here], we did things like this")