The Crashing Boor

[plumtreeblossom]

I went to a small party at Todd's last night, the first of his I've been to since July. Though it was great to see everyone again, someone brought an acquaintence of theirs who, while they may not have spoiled everyone's good time, she more or less spoiled mine.

I'd never seen her before -- she was a friend of someone I don't know well. Sort of a bedraggled 50-something, all dressed in a sparkly blouse but with Osh Kosh overalls over it. I was the last to arrive, and as I was saying hello to people in the kitchen, she crossed way too far into my personal space zone and for no explainable reason said "WOO HOO HOOOOO!" very loudly. It was an awfully odd thing for someone who doesn't know me from Eve to do.

Have you ever seen how young children will interrupt you mid-sentence if there's a concept or reference they don't get, and demand an immediate explaination before letting you continue? This woman was like that. She was so utterly oblivious to basic conversational manners that it seemed like being in the presence of someone who's been incarcerated for the last 30 years.

The party was small enough that all of us were in one conversational circle, and every goddamn topic that came up was stonewalled with her loud interjections of lives-under-a-rock ignorant questions. What's Belize? Who's Keith Richards? What's Google? She would not allow the conversation to continue until she'd had her ass-ignorant remedial question answered.

She was like a Mistress Quickly gone very, very wrong. All of the clueless bumpkin dorkiness with none of the cute. She had a creepy, childlike, bug-eyed response to anything that hinted at anything even semi-sexual. Mentions of kissing, dating, or sexual activity all got a "WOO HOO HOOOO!" It started making my skin crawl. At one point I (big mistake!) mentioned about a friend in the group who is polyamorous. Which of course led to What's polyamorous? (10-second explaination of poly) IT IS?!? WOO HOO HOOOO!!.

Much as I love Todd and his parties, I couldn't wait to get the hell out of there. Nobody was leaving yet, so I called a cab to get me to the Malden T stop. When I said I was leaving by cab she blocked me in the kitchen door and bellowed YOU'RE PAYING FOR A CAB OH MY GOD THAT'S TERRIBLE!!!

At that point I knew I was dealing with a mad women, and my politeness had run out. I curtly said "Get. Out. Of. My. Way!"

Then I waited on the rainy porch for 15 minutes rather than go back in there with her. Poor Todd.

Comments

[thesynergizer.livejournal.com]

that's very disturbing. i'm quite disturbed now.

i wonder if she has a social disorder or something ...

(uh, hypothetically speaking, of course ... would it be terrible if i did not know the answers to all of those example questions? you wouldn't eat my head, would you?)

[plumtreeblossom.livejournal.com]

No, because I'm certain you would do the sensible thing when hearing an unfamiliar reference, and just listen politely to the speaker for a while. Usually you can gleen most of what you need to know by just listening, and then when they're done speaking you can ask for clarification. I know you wouldn't interrupt like her!

[spatch]

What did she expect you to do with a cab? Pay with sexual favors? WOO HOO HOOO!!!

[gabriellag.livejournal.com]

Hahaha! I'd have asked her to joined me and then winked. Did other people enjoy her?

[gabriellag.livejournal.com]

join, even

[plumtreeblossom.livejournal.com]

No, other people were getting irritated too. There was a gal there who is a psychiatrist, and her husband who is a psych nurse. The three of us kept giving each other eye-roll looks. And our poor host just stopped answering her after a while. Good thing there wasn't a rolled up newspaper around. I would have used it on her.

[earthling177.livejournal.com]

Good thing there wasn't a rolled up newspaper around.

Well, you can just grab a newspaper that's lying around and roll it up yourself, y'know? ;-)

I find that usually, but not always, people behaving like that may actually be very nice people under other circumstances, but they think that a party is a good excuse to get stoned and/or drunk and behave like stupid people. Pity that (at least the "act like stupid" part).

[noire.livejournal.com]

ARGH! People who are not adquately socialized can just ruin everyhing! Sympathies... (Though actually, the Osh Kosh overalls might have been an appropriate clue...Unfortunately...)

[plumtreeblossom.livejournal.com]

I know, I've had them at my own parties on occasion. Always brought by a friend, who offer sheepish explainations -- "He doesn't get out much," or "She's a bit eccentric."

No, sorry, I'm eccentric. She's just rude!

[spwebdesign.livejournal.com]

She had a creepy, childlike, bug-eyed response to anything that hinted at anything even semi-sexual.

I guess she wouldn't do very well around me.

[plumtreeblossom.livejournal.com]

She'll mistake your erection. (not that you'd have one with her around)

[heliopsis.livejournal.com]

I am reminded of a woman who used to come to my church. D was an astonishingly plain woman, with long, straight, dark hair which she pulled back into a ponytail that started too high on her otherwise blobby head, creating an effect like a handle, or perhaps the stem on a peculiarly pallid gourd. At her very best, she was creepy, childlike and bug-eyed.

She wanted to sing in the choir, and she had an attachment to me. She loved to sing duets with me, indeed I could never sing a solo because D was right there to warble along. Did I mention she had a small, flat, hollow voice? Singing with her made me feel like Harrison Bergeron, I had to hobble myself to keep from overpowering her. I hated singing with her, and I came to loathe her.

It being Church, leaving in a cab was not an option; indeed, I felt a certain duty to muster some Christian goodwill, or at least patience, since love was out of the question. But to make it even worse, she had an utter absence of acumen. However resolutely I neglected her, however coolly I greeted her, she never caught on that I did not like her, but she mooned about me, and latched, leech-like, onto me.

After an eternity of months, D got a new job that forced her to work Sunday mornings. As she tearfully bade us adieu, I smiled at her for the first time.

[plumtreeblossom.livejournal.com]

Poor Deacon John! That's one thing I don't envy about Churchfolk -- you sometimes have to endure people like that, and kindness is not optional. She sounds to me like she might have Borderline Personality Disorder, what with the latching on. I had a roommate much like her once. Yech!