The best laid plans...

[plumtreeblossom]

...oh so easily foiled by faulty planning.

Hoping to enjoy the warmth of early spring with my waterfowl friends, I loaded up a big bag of discarded lettuce from the company luncheon and headed for the Public Gardens.

There was one critical problem with this plan: the pond was entirely drained. I mean entirely. You could walk right across its dirty bottom like you were Moses or sumpin'. I didn't know they did that in winter. So, no waterfowl. They must be camping somewhere wetter.

Feeling stupid but attempting not to look it with a bag of lettuce in my hand, I thought I'd search for some squirrels. There weren't any of the fat, nearly-domesticated squirrels around; only a random mangy straggler here and there. But did they want lettuce?

Mare: Here squirrely-squirrely, yummy lettuce...
Squirrel: Pfft.
Mare: Look, mmmmmm...
Squirrel: Give squirrel Fritos!
Mare: _{Nooo, lettuce...}
Squirrel: Want refined carbs, stupid person! Lettuce not food! Pringles food! Oreos food! Go or I bite!

I was getting pretty far down the park food chain. I next looked for pigeons, but for once, I saw not a single one anywhere. Maybe I could find a rat or two by the dumpster. Oops, no dumpster. And I wouldn't insult a homeless person by offering them a bag of wilted office lettuce.

I just left the bag bedside a garbage can and got on the T. I think if I opened the dictionary to "unsatisfied," there would be a line drawing of a lettuce bag on that page.

Comments

[oneagain.livejournal.com]

From other stories I have heard, I do not know if I should take you literally or not about actually going for the throat. Have you known any to actually go for the throat, or simply come too close to your body for comfort uninivted?