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Year of The Hawk
Jan. 1st, 2006 01:37 pm2006 opened with the warmth of many good friends, sharing high spirits and conversation of things to come in the next year. Over the years I've developed the habit of using my placement and mood at the stroke of midnight on New Years Eve as a barometer for the coming year's fortune or lack thereof. By and large it's held true. This year I was among dear friends, colleagues, and kindred spirits, (and also one by phone whom I never managed to be at the same party with, unfortunately!). I felt a part of a wonderful family. May it be so for 2006.
2005 was not a year I will be able to look back fondly upon. There were some positives, of course, and my gratitude for the basics of good health, an income, shelter, food, and physical safety. But the year's most prominent markers were of a painful nature. The surprise exclusion from a creative project I'd thought I'd be in. The trust I erroneously put in someone I'd mistakened for a friend, who used me and then discarded me after I'd served my purpose. The lack of success in finding a better job than the one I have now. Growing close to someone just as they were moving away. The acceptance that my mother is aging much faster than I ever expected, and that I probably won't have her as long as I'd hoped. A painful battle with stage-fright borne of trampled self-esteem. The frustration as I watched my country decline into warmongering and a religion-driven ignorance that has alienated it from the entire world.
There were, as I say, positives. When I write in my journal, I keep it upbeat and focused on the positive, which helps me remember that my life does indeed contain blessings to be grateful for; blessings that make it worth living. You can read about them in the archives of this journal.
Now, 2006. This morning when I awoke and went to the back door, the very first thing I saw was a small hawk in my backyard tree, serene and dignified, unhurriedly eating the prey it had caught. I have never, ever before seen a hawk in this neighborhood. I pulled a chair to the door and just watched. It finished its meal (a smaller bird) and let the remains drop to the ground. It fluffed its tail, ascended branch to branch like stairs, then took to the sky and was gone.
The coming year has a feeling of a need for strong action. A reduction in passive hope, and an increase in conscious, planned initiatives. A year for manifesting that which I'd only hoped for before. Like the hawk who took what he/she needed, so too must we act to make our lives complete.
2005 was not a year I will be able to look back fondly upon. There were some positives, of course, and my gratitude for the basics of good health, an income, shelter, food, and physical safety. But the year's most prominent markers were of a painful nature. The surprise exclusion from a creative project I'd thought I'd be in. The trust I erroneously put in someone I'd mistakened for a friend, who used me and then discarded me after I'd served my purpose. The lack of success in finding a better job than the one I have now. Growing close to someone just as they were moving away. The acceptance that my mother is aging much faster than I ever expected, and that I probably won't have her as long as I'd hoped. A painful battle with stage-fright borne of trampled self-esteem. The frustration as I watched my country decline into warmongering and a religion-driven ignorance that has alienated it from the entire world.
There were, as I say, positives. When I write in my journal, I keep it upbeat and focused on the positive, which helps me remember that my life does indeed contain blessings to be grateful for; blessings that make it worth living. You can read about them in the archives of this journal.
Now, 2006. This morning when I awoke and went to the back door, the very first thing I saw was a small hawk in my backyard tree, serene and dignified, unhurriedly eating the prey it had caught. I have never, ever before seen a hawk in this neighborhood. I pulled a chair to the door and just watched. It finished its meal (a smaller bird) and let the remains drop to the ground. It fluffed its tail, ascended branch to branch like stairs, then took to the sky and was gone.
The coming year has a feeling of a need for strong action. A reduction in passive hope, and an increase in conscious, planned initiatives. A year for manifesting that which I'd only hoped for before. Like the hawk who took what he/she needed, so too must we act to make our lives complete.