So Very Wrong

[plumtreeblossom]

Every single dating-strategies-for-men website or column I've ever read has been chock full of advice that would send this woman screaming for the hills or slamming doors in faces. I don't know who is writing them, but they sure don't know how real women respond to manipulative behavior and just plain rudeness.

I just took an online dating test for men, and I answered exactly how I, as a woman, would want a man to behave/act in each scenario. I failed the test! The answer key explained why.

Don't call/e-mail her for a week after the first date. Don't accept an e-mail address instead of a home phone number. If she won't kiss you on the first date, dump her; she's not interested. Use a homely woman to attract a gorgeous woman.

I am willing to wager money that no lesbian dating book suggests these things.

Every one of these would be grounds for dismissal in the very early stages of dating with me, with very few exceptions (if you get hit by a bus after our date, you don't have to e-mail me within a week of our date). I have to wonder what these date-flailing men who spend hundreds of dollars on books and "systems" to get more hawt babez think when some bitch like me says NO to a 2nd date after being told "You can reach the salt just fine yourself." In some cases I see multiple levels of material that the men have to continue buying to ensure success, but to sell it, the company has to ensure early failure. I don't see this bad behavior much in the poly community, but someone in the mono world is gettin' scammed.

I should get a panel of women together and write a real dating advice book for men. Advice directly from the intended target, not some aging Love Doctor who's arbitrarily (and profitably) decided that women put out for men (or women) who treat them like crap. I know otherwise. ;-)

(Working title: You Want A Date? You Can't Handle A Date!)

Heh, between me and my girls with dating experience, we probably have a collective 300 years of experience and advice to give.

I can remember personals ads dates where I was quite sure one of those strategic systems was being used on me. I wonder if they thought "WTF, I paid $200 for that set of dating tapes" while watching my backside exiting Starbucks.

Comments

[dietrich.livejournal.com]

I WILL HELP YOU WRITE THIS BOOK PLEASE KTHXBYE.

Seriously, let's do it!!

Re: Girls are Stupid / Boys are Stupid

[dietrich.livejournal.com]

Luckily I've discovered recently that underneath every good boy there is a bad boy lurking, and all it takes is the right girl to find it. There is nothing like having a loving and trusting relationship with a little danger thrown in for good measure!

I was going to say something like this before you did! I, unfortunately, often have had the problem of falling for guys who need to be 'saved" in some way, which is another reason women go for those types - they're oh-so-tragic and OMG I can CHANGE HEEEM!

Uh, no.

But I've found more and more as I get older that what I like is not a guy who's "bad" or "troubled," but a guy who is *truly* confident and strong within himself. Weeding those guys out from the ones who are truly just cocky assholes can be difficult, but it gets easier.

I think the reason women don't go for "nice" guys as much is because they seem weak, or like they have no self-esteem. It's a tricky balance, this being yourself business; the most attractive thing in the world is a guy who is unapologetically who he is, *and* doesn't play games. (Well, except the fun kind...)

Re: 47 first dates

[dietrich.livejournal.com]

*dies laughing*

Oh, that is rich! You should write your *own* book - with the title, 47 First Dates.

Re: I wish they all could be...

[http://users.livejournal.com/urban_faerie_/]

WOW!

You get major points for allowing a near stranger to discuss your love life in a public forum and threaten to kick you in the junk. I took the liberty of stalking you to My Space and I can see you two already like a lot of the same bands. Let's see if we can cook something up! I'll be in touch.

Re: Girls are Stupid / Boys are Stupid

[http://users.livejournal.com/urban_faerie_/]

These are such great points. I admit, I've done the "OMG I CAN CHANGE HIM!" Thing more than once. thankfully I've outgrown it.

I think you are right in that nice guys seem like they have low self esteem. That and sometimes they're afraid to approach women so it isn't as easy to tell when they are interested in the first place.

"the most attractive thing in the world is a guy who is unapologetically who he is, *and* doesn't play games. (Well, except the fun kind...)"

That is just what I was trying to say, only said better!

Re: I wish they all could be...

[plumtreeblossom.livejournal.com]

I can testify that Jimmy is one of the nicest and coolest guys I know, with puppydog energy and a million funny stories to tell. I would date him myself if I weren't his mom's age. Even if your sister only goes out with him once, he will keep her entertained and treat her like a lady AND a peer.

Re: I wish they all could be...

[jimmystagger.livejournal.com]

Hey chief, my life has been discussed by near-strangers in my presence before. I call them T @ F parties and by the end those people are my friends.

Oh and just to clarify, I'd like a family ONE DAY but not annnnyyyyyytime soon.

I look forward to hearing from you and thanks....

Living dangerously, without the clown serial killer

[http://users.livejournal.com/_mattt/]

(I've been sick again the past two days so I apologize for the slow response. I also always seem to engage in these pensive, slow motion LJ conversations)

In short, I agree with you completely. And if the girl starts with the crying...

Sure, I like to believe that I am immune to the same dating disasters that befall women. Of course, I am just as susceptible.

It amazes me how much attraction can cloud one's judgment.

There are many, many awful women that I've given full pardons to in life; girls that other women can't stand. They'll wonder aloud how I can put up with such a bitch.

Yet no matter how much of a bitch they are, no matter how flaky or shallow or just fucked up they are, I'll make the same excuses that women make for the wrong men.

For me, I've been unable to determine whether it is the challenge or the danger, but that's a separate story.

I agree that danger is sexy. I'm talking about sexy danger (like doing it in a public place where you stand the risk of being discovered) versus stupid danger (dating the girl who steals from you, cheats on you, starts fires and not in a good way, is otherwise psychotic, etc.)

Re: Girls are Stupid / Boys are Stupid

[http://users.livejournal.com/_mattt/]

I've done the "OMG But I can chaaaaaannnggeee hheeeerrrrrr" more than enough. It could be argues that I'm still doing it.

I was trying to go through all the excuses I've ever made for bad women in my life.

I agree with you that nice men sometimes come across as lacking self confidence, and I would hazard a guess that many nice men do lack this self confidence. I certainly have confidence problems that stem back to rejection in adolescence. Of course, this is no excuse, and being nice doesn't compensate for lacking confidence. Confidence is so sexy. For me, it can compensate for almost anything (sometimes even too much). I suspect this lack of confidence is the invisible barrier around nice men that I refer to, like a shroud that masks their attractiveness. I think many of these men do become more confident in a relationship, but that's just like me wanting a women to be more hot/smart/funny once she's in a relationship.