Personal Space and Changes Through Life

[plumtreeblossom]

Last night beowabbit and I were talking about large music festivals, which led to me talking about the festival camping I've done. I started out all "OMG it's sooo much fun!" And it absolutely was. I lived in packed tent cities for days on end, showered or bathed communally, and figured out that the best way to deal with incessant all-night drum circles was to join 'em. I've loved certain music festival camp-outs, like the Grassroots Festival in Ithaca, so much that I cried when it was time to go home. But I had to stop and remember that I was 29 the last time I did that, and in the many years since then, my relationship with personal space and privacy have changed quite a bit.

Specifically, I need considerably more of both, and have developed a strong distaste for over-crowded accommodations or floor/couch crashing after parties. It would pretty much take a forced evacuation to a hurricane shelter to get me to sleep in an open roomful of people. If beowabbit and I got hopelessly and impossibly stranded overnight at a party and there wasn't a private spare room available for us, I'd probably hunt down a blanket and go sleep in his car.

I was admiring derspatchel's apartment because it has two full bathrooms. Two! Less sharing required, and less sharing of facilities/space is good! To me. This is a way in which I've changed as I've gotten older.

I have a lot of friends who are planning to room at Arisia (a convention in Boston this weekend) with three, four, five, six other people in a hotel room. One shared bafwoom for all. Just the thought of enduring that makes my hair stand on end. 15 years ago I likely wouldn't have minded it. I had fewer major issues then with packed clown cars or sleeping in armchairs. Now...DO NOT WANT.

Poor Wabbit is sterling in putting up with me and my idiosyncrasy. He needs his privacy too, but for him, I've observed that it's more about his time than about bodily space, mostly. I think he would be unhappy if everyone were pressuring and demanding all of his time, but I think he could drift peacefully to sleep in a packed bed (so long as he liked everyone there). We're going to Arisia too, but are staying elsewhere, where the elbow room is more generous.

So, when we were talking last night, I had to conclude that maybe I wouldn't still love festival camping as much if I tried it now. At least, not unless my tent had a functioning zipper and a No Vacancy sign. Maybe I'll just have to find out sometime.

Comments

[plumtreeblossom.livejournal.com]

Thank goodness someone gets this! I'm exactly the same way, and in the early stages of a dating relationship, I'm slower about getting comfortable sharing a bed than I am about getting jiggy.

When I hear "There's plenty of floor space" I immediately tense up. Not gonna happen, and I have to come up with a polite way to say so.

[plumtreeblossom.livejournal.com]

It took me until last year (age 43) to agree to try staying in a B&B. The B&B squick for me is that it's someone's house, and the room I occupy isn't mine the way a rented hotel room is. It went without problems because Wabbit has a magic way of making me chill out, but sharing a bathroom with all the other guests wasn't my favorite part of the trip. On trips to Europe, I've shelled out double for "American style" rooms with their own bathroom. And I always, always will.

All of this applies to transportation, too. Halleluja for the new stricter seatbelt laws -- hopefully I will never again have to ride 4-across in the back seat with another person stretched over our laps.

[vanguardcdk.livejournal.com]

Actually you just say you can't sleep on the floor because it screws up your back. Very easy and understandable excuse...whether it's true or not. ;)

[hahathor.livejournal.com]

Per Miss Manners, all plumtreeblossom has to say is, "I'm afraid can't sleep on the floor." No reason is necessary. The whole "I can't . . ." is a great face saver. "So sorry I can't come to dinner on Friday," could mean you have other plans, or that you can't stand the thought of an entire meal spent in the other person's company. But "I can't come to dinner" sounds a lot better than desperately struggling to find a plausible excuse, which could then be countermanded:

"So sorry, I'd love to come to dinner, but . . . I have a friend from out of town"
"Great! The more then merrier, bring her along"

or

"So sorry, I'm afraid I just started the Atkins diet and so eating out is problematic."
"No problem! I've been dying to try out some of the recipes in "Better Cooking with Suet and Lard."

or

"Oh, I"m about ready to drop at any minute, and I'd hate to spoil your dinner by going into labor."
"Oh, don't worry about that. I"ve been reading Obstetrics for Dummies and it would be a good chance to apply my new skills."

[plumtreeblossom.livejournal.com]

It's lies, all lies. :-)

Actually it does give me a sore back and hips for at least a day after, which makes it convenient to use it as a pat and more polite excuse to get me out of floor crashing. It's significantly easier to use "can't" rather than "won't" in almost any uncomfortable situation of this sort. If I say "No can do, these old hips can't take it," I never get an argument. But if I say "Naw thanks, I'm just not the overnight crashing type," I get endless protests and wailing and hurt feelings. So, I make it easier on everyone when I think it's best.