A Commuter Rants
Jun. 27th, 2005 10:52 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
plumtreeblossomI’ve had absolutely all I'm going to take of riding the Green Line at morning rush hour. From now on, I will leave 10 or 15 minutes early so I can walk from Park Street to Copley Square. I don't care if it's raining poison arrows or the Commons are on fire; I'll walk rather than put myself through the torture of Green Line rush hour. It took me 10 minutes anyway just to get on one of the trains this morning, and most mornings. I've had to learn "defensive boarding" in order to jockey myself a position where I can see both tracks and dive to a spot on the yellow strip where I stand a chance of squeezing in. Then once I'm on, it only gets worse from there.
I don't blame the MBTA as much as I blame it's ridership. People should be required to take T riding lessons before being allowed to use the T, at least the antiquated Green Line. Having used the efficient subway systems of New York, London, and Tokyo, I know that not every city has such a high representation of slack-jawed, self-centered, idiots who need to be smashed over the head with the Clue-by-Four, like Boston has.
Here is just a small sampling of the people who make civil MBTA ridership a complete impossibility:
People With Strollers - American-style strollers are an abomination and a classic symbol of this society's obsessive drive for largeness. I’ve seen the strollers in Europe and Japan; they are only as large as they need to be to hold a baby, and only babies ride in them, not 5-year-olds. American strollers are rolling sidewalk yachts that combine the function of shopping cart, luggage trolly, and conveyer of great big boys and girls who should be walking. American strollers don't belong anywhere indoors but they most especially don't belong on the Green Line at fucking rush hour.
Idiots Who Stand in The Doorway- CluePhone! It's for the oblivious moron with the iPod completely blocking the doorway as a dozen people struggle to get past you in the 15 seconds we have before the doors close. If you're that person, the correct protocol is to step off the train, let those who need to exit do so, then climb back on. Burying your nose in your book won't make the problem go away. Eventually a True Hero of The People will shove you off the train with velocity enough to land you on your face 20 feet from the track. Move it or die.
People Who Fart on The T- I find it hard to believe you're not capable of squeezing your butt cheeks together long enough to reach your stop and get above ground before releasing your death cloud upon the helpless innocents packed beside you. I think you can, but you'd rather get your little power trip from making everyone around you nauseous and fearful of being blamed. Oh, you really can't control it? Well, sorry for your troubles, but I hate you anyway. If you must unleash your zephyr of Agent Brown on the T, at least stand next to the people with the stroller.
People Who Don't Wear Deodorant During Rush Hour Commute - A hearty FU from all us short people who are forced to ride with our noses in your armpit. Don't say "Yo, that's my musk." It's not musk, it's absent hygiene. Deodorize or walk.
Frottagists- I can understand that because you're a hideous, shoe-reeking, gold-toothed, tobacco-chewing, 4-foot-10, 90-pound Gollum, no woman would fuck you with their worst enemy’s cooch. But that doesn't mean you're invited to rub your repugnant little loins on my ass or thigh on the pretext that the train is jam packed. Try it again and I will have my left hand amputated and refitted with the mighty claw of an Alaskan King Crab. And I won't be afraid to use it.
Boom-Humans- Nice audio, motherfucker. I can hear every note and every subtle nuance of your music, and I'm three people away. Of all of the T idiots, I hate you least, because I know you will be going deaf not too long from now. And that makes me all cheerful and feel-goody inside.
Testify.
I don't blame the MBTA as much as I blame it's ridership. People should be required to take T riding lessons before being allowed to use the T, at least the antiquated Green Line. Having used the efficient subway systems of New York, London, and Tokyo, I know that not every city has such a high representation of slack-jawed, self-centered, idiots who need to be smashed over the head with the Clue-by-Four, like Boston has.
Here is just a small sampling of the people who make civil MBTA ridership a complete impossibility:
People With Strollers - American-style strollers are an abomination and a classic symbol of this society's obsessive drive for largeness. I’ve seen the strollers in Europe and Japan; they are only as large as they need to be to hold a baby, and only babies ride in them, not 5-year-olds. American strollers are rolling sidewalk yachts that combine the function of shopping cart, luggage trolly, and conveyer of great big boys and girls who should be walking. American strollers don't belong anywhere indoors but they most especially don't belong on the Green Line at fucking rush hour.
Idiots Who Stand in The Doorway- CluePhone! It's for the oblivious moron with the iPod completely blocking the doorway as a dozen people struggle to get past you in the 15 seconds we have before the doors close. If you're that person, the correct protocol is to step off the train, let those who need to exit do so, then climb back on. Burying your nose in your book won't make the problem go away. Eventually a True Hero of The People will shove you off the train with velocity enough to land you on your face 20 feet from the track. Move it or die.
People Who Fart on The T- I find it hard to believe you're not capable of squeezing your butt cheeks together long enough to reach your stop and get above ground before releasing your death cloud upon the helpless innocents packed beside you. I think you can, but you'd rather get your little power trip from making everyone around you nauseous and fearful of being blamed. Oh, you really can't control it? Well, sorry for your troubles, but I hate you anyway. If you must unleash your zephyr of Agent Brown on the T, at least stand next to the people with the stroller.
People Who Don't Wear Deodorant During Rush Hour Commute - A hearty FU from all us short people who are forced to ride with our noses in your armpit. Don't say "Yo, that's my musk." It's not musk, it's absent hygiene. Deodorize or walk.
Frottagists- I can understand that because you're a hideous, shoe-reeking, gold-toothed, tobacco-chewing, 4-foot-10, 90-pound Gollum, no woman would fuck you with their worst enemy’s cooch. But that doesn't mean you're invited to rub your repugnant little loins on my ass or thigh on the pretext that the train is jam packed. Try it again and I will have my left hand amputated and refitted with the mighty claw of an Alaskan King Crab. And I won't be afraid to use it.
Boom-Humans- Nice audio, motherfucker. I can hear every note and every subtle nuance of your music, and I'm three people away. Of all of the T idiots, I hate you least, because I know you will be going deaf not too long from now. And that makes me all cheerful and feel-goody inside.
Testify.
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-Dee
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Date: 2005-06-27 03:42 pm (UTC)